happy friday

i love weekends...cause DB is home, and its family time!
the countdown of how many fridays i have left, at home-not working, has begun.
i believe i only have 4 or 5 left!! 

the closer june approaches, the closer reality of me going back to work becomes.
i am experiencing every possible emotion associated with returning back to work, leaving my little Will behind, relinquishing my daily control over his schedule, re-assimilating back into the professional side of what i do....etc.

we have started the on going conversation of schedules, Will-care, and how to make it all happen.  there is the full gamut of anxiety, apprehension, anticipation and peace about it all.
changing topics...
this guy

he is just precious
and today he laughed

and i truly enjoy him, he is delightful
 
i wish back in the day, when he was weeks 1-10 someone told me, "all this banter of schedules, feedings, sleep, bottle vs. breast, naps, etc...it'll all work itself out.  you take care of him, you feed him when he is hungry, respond when he cries, meet his needs, and it'll all work out."
i wish i had the ability to comprehend that the sleep deprevation would diminish with each week, as he grows, he sleeps, as he sleeps he grows; with time he'll sleep longer.
(in hindsight it makes total sense...but living it, and not sleeping, and waking up every 2 hours to feed him....ability to even think it'll get better was hard to do)
you live and you learn...welcome to parenting!

signing off: enjoy the weekend...and take pictures:)

day 96--game changer

yesterday Will turned 96 days old..and to celebrate, he took a liking to the pacifier!

for this i am excited, not to pacify him and control his noise, but to give him a tool to help him calm down and hopefully aid him in falling asleep on his own.
up until now, we have been rocking him, holding and helping him fall asleep---which is exhausting---but also up until this point, will hasn't been interested in the pacifier.
so happy day 96 to this guy, i hope the pacifier helps him fall asleep, and also soothe him when he wakes up in the middle of the night:)

today, Will is 97 days old!

he was sitting, propped up on the chair, and i turn around to find him lounging in the sun

this guy...he is pretty great!

i do enjoy him, though at times during these limited days at home (on maternity leave) i feel i need to be uber productive and accomplish "something" and/or "everything"...yet taking care of him is constant and demanding; and even though i am home, its not easy completing basic home tasks; like laundry, grocery shopping, sweeping and mopping the floors...etc.
im still trying to figure it all out.

i am excited to see him grow into a little toddler, which will lead to a little kid and eventually into an adult! 

i love his smile and look forward to hearing his laughter

one, two and three months

oh will, how you've grown!



and yes, he wears  a lot of stripes:)

mothers day

this guy has made a mama out of me. and i couldn't be more thankful

love for this kid has grown a lot in the past three months.
for me, it wasn't a huge love at first sight.
i loved him, but i didn't know him.
i knew he was mine, but i didn't recognize him.

it took time to fall in love with this guy, and for that process i am thankful
who knows if i had had the birth i wanted, or if i had a vaginal birth versus a c-section if my emotions would have taken a different, maybe a more immediate response; i will never know.

becoming a mama:  physically, being all healed up from the surgery, its easy to continue on and not think of that birthing day, probably not the healthiest, as its still too painful but thats where i am at.
i am scared, really scared of getting pregnant again.
i definately want Will to be a big brother; but holey moley i am not ready to go through that entire process again. 
just thinking about it makes me anxious, my stomach hurts and its not a good feeling.
i know with time, that'll change.

this guy makes me laugh, and i love that about him
he is incredibly sweet, precious, and i enjoy my days at home with him.

his eyes, they are something out of this world.
the way he looks at me, its like he is telling me,
"mom, i know you.  i've heard your heart beat from within, i know you are mine"
and i look at him and i know he is mine. all mine. 
my love deepens for him everyday.

three months

our little guy turned three months old today

he enjoys smiling and laughing
he can roll over from his stomach to his back
he is not a fan of being on his stomach for very long

his longest stretch of sleep has been from 1030p-330am (a few times)

he is growing out of his 0-3 sized onesies, as they aren't quite long enough
(he is long and lean)

 its hard to believe its three months already
yet at the same time, its hard to believe its only been three months
...it seems like we just met him, yet it seems like we've known for longer than three months
either way, he is pretty great

today...day 88 of life

mr will has been apart of this world for 88 days today.
this morning he fell asleep while i was folding the laundry