mothers day

this guy has made a mama out of me. and i couldn't be more thankful

love for this kid has grown a lot in the past three months.
for me, it wasn't a huge love at first sight.
i loved him, but i didn't know him.
i knew he was mine, but i didn't recognize him.

it took time to fall in love with this guy, and for that process i am thankful
who knows if i had had the birth i wanted, or if i had a vaginal birth versus a c-section if my emotions would have taken a different, maybe a more immediate response; i will never know.

becoming a mama:  physically, being all healed up from the surgery, its easy to continue on and not think of that birthing day, probably not the healthiest, as its still too painful but thats where i am at.
i am scared, really scared of getting pregnant again.
i definately want Will to be a big brother; but holey moley i am not ready to go through that entire process again. 
just thinking about it makes me anxious, my stomach hurts and its not a good feeling.
i know with time, that'll change.

this guy makes me laugh, and i love that about him
he is incredibly sweet, precious, and i enjoy my days at home with him.

his eyes, they are something out of this world.
the way he looks at me, its like he is telling me,
"mom, i know you.  i've heard your heart beat from within, i know you are mine"
and i look at him and i know he is mine. all mine. 
my love deepens for him everyday.